 Head/Focus – Adam Bontrager
When playing against Adam, his focus on the game itself is matched by no other player in the league. You can see it in his eyes and in his Triple Crown-like stats.
Pro Comparison: Kevin Youkilis
Eyes – Amber Hutson
Take a minute and look at the league action through photography… those shots are captured by the eye of Amber. She knows what to look for and gets not just what she wants but what the readers of KzooWiffleball.com want.
Pro Comparison: Ansel Adams
Mouth – Danielle Cannon
Wiffle outsiders find it hard to believe that our sport can beat you down, leave you weary, and drive one to the bottle. But after battling inning after inning with some of the top Wifflers in the nation, nothing brightens the darkest hours like Dani’s big smile. If you were at the Funstars Game, you know what I’m talking about.
Pro Comparison: Curtis Granderson
Right Arm – AJ Tate
There is not one player in the KWL that has more of a Chuck Norris persona than AJ. From the time I signed up for this league, I’ve heard stories of AJ mowing batters down at will, only pitching on days he feels like pitching, throwing no-hitters with 70% of his stuff, and the list goes on. Most of the stories have been proven true. Even some of the far-fetched stuff (like when AJ does one-armed pushups with his pitching arm, he’s not pushing himself up… he’s pushing the Earth down) makes his arm far more valuable than most.
Pro Comparison: The love child of Chuck Norris & Jennie Finch
Left Arm – Steve Everett
Steve is making a strong push for NL Rookie of the Year this year, not only behind his pitching arm but with his bat. And since AJ’s golden arm is being used, I have no problem taking Steve’s south paw. Though he only stands about 6’6”, his wingspan is an incredible 24 ft. Being able to stretch out to great lengths, it’s tough to get balls passed him at the plate or in the field (unless your name is Brian Meyers).
Pro Comparison: Randy Johnson, but better looking (cuz he’s an Everett)
Hands – Matt Kirsch
Another case of the stats speaking for themselves. Kirsch leads his team in most offensive categories primarily because of his quick hands. The type of quick hands that drive the bat through the zone against even the best pitchers in the league… not the type of quick hands that could get you slapped across the face from the players’ wives section.
Pro Comparison: Ken Griffey Jr.
Heart – Jim Noel
A true competitor in every sense of the word and also displays the ut most dedication to everything he does. Jim refused to leave the All-Star Weekend festivities at the end of the night because he had three beers left and was determined to get ‘em gone… oh, and he got ‘em gone. Both on the field and off, he’s a leader and the type of spirit I’d want in the Monster Wiffler.
Pro Comparison: Cal Ripken Jr.
Hips – Josh Whitfield
It’s common to hear coaches shouting out to their players, “you gotta turn your hips” when in the batter’s box. Josh has perfected this. We’re not sure if it’s intentional hip control, or if it’s just the fact that when he gets his 50 banger* in motion, there may be no stopping it. That midsection of his has him leading his team in two major categories: home runs and Speedo’s modeled.
Pro Comparison: Cecil Fielder
Left Leg – Melissa Brink
The AL All-Stars’ winning pitcher has some dominating stuff, no doubt about it. You can’t be at the top of most of the league’s pitching categories without a little power, a lot of control, and something that sets you apart from the rest. There are a lot of guys in the league with power pitches. There are a lot of guys in the league with great control. But there is only one pitcher I’ve faced with legs distracting enough to force strike three when the power and control may not be there: Mel’s.
Pro Comparison: Misty May-Treanor
Right Leg – Bryan Jennings
Always a favorite for league MVP, Bryan’s biggest assets are probably below the waste… in the form of legs. To say he can flat out move is a bit of an understatement. Nobody can track down fly balls or run out a grounder like him and it all starts by pushing off of his right leg. Like Usain Bolt out of a starting block, Bryan can get to all positions in a hurry.
Pro Comparison: Bugs Bunny
Feet – Matt Quardokus
I’ve never seen Matt leg out a fly ball in the outfield and that’s because he floats to them. When he robs a homerun or snags a ball for an out in foul territory, it appears to be so effortless that he’s just gliding from spot to spot. With only three players to cover roughly 6,000 sq. ft. of Wiffle field territory, one with Matt’s feet surely makes a pitcher breathe easier.
Pro Comparison: Ichiro Suzuki
*50 Banger = A term used for the buttocks of a 50 year old man |
