Rageaholics (Not So) Anonymous! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ryan Winfield   
Friday, 20 May 2011 12:43

Rageaholics (Not So) Anonymous by Ryan Winfield 5/20/2011

It’s a perfect May evening for playing Wiffleball. The temperature is ideal. The sun is making intermittent appearances, occasionally shining through some non-threatening clouds. Yet something is noticeably wrong. The air is thick; not with humidity, but with a certain, palpable tension – specifically, Rage. The contest is a tightly battled one, the stakes are high, and the pitcher on the mound is throwing gas tonight.  With a full count and runners in scoring position, the pitcher rears back and fires a strike past the outstretched bat of Mark Thompson. In one continuous motion, Mount Thompson erupts, angrier than a midget with a yo-yo, recklessly unleashing a bat hurl that strikes the cameraman nestled behind the backstop. If this is your first night attending the Kalamazoo Wiffle League, you have just been introduced to our resident rageaholic. (See 1:25-1:30 in this video)

This past Thursday was not an isolated incident; alas, it wasn’t even the only rage-related incident of the night from Thompson, who in game two unleashed the rarely seen bat kick, striking league camerawoman Amber Hutson. Thompson has unapologetically struck terror through the league with his reputation of flying off the handle, lashing out against bats, buckets, storage lockers and backstops. As a rookie last season, Mark easily set the single season record for most bat tosses, longest bat toss, and highest bat toss, all verified by league management. By garnishing the reputation of being the “Rasheed Wallace” of the KWL (minus the ringworm-infested afro) he has also earned his team, The Scared Hitless, the reputation of being the league “bad boys.”

Few studies have been performed in regards to rageaholism, yet the condition has recently garnered some attention with the inclusion of “Rageaholic” in the newest edition of Webster’s Dictionary. Webster’s defines a rageaholic as “a person who gets excited by expressing rage; a person prone to extreme anger with little or no provocation.” The definition is so fitting, some wonder why a picture of Mark Thompson doesn’t accompany it in the book.

Although Thompson offers rage-filled denials of being a rageaholic, the warning signs are troubling. According to family members, Mark was an 11 year old on vacation in Los Angeles when he was exposed to his first acts of rage, the L.A. riots in 1992. Shortly thereafter, he discovered his favorite band, Rage Against the Machine. In documents recently obtained by the KWL news staff, a grim picture is painted in regards to the past of Thompson. According to work visa applications, Thompson

traveled to Nova Scotia, Canada, to work as a seal clubber after graduating high school. After six months, according to co-workers, Thompson was fired for violent outbursts towards other employees. A few years after returning to Michigan, he attended a Detroit Pistons game where, out of rage, he angrily tossed a cup of beer at Ron Artest, kicking off “The Malice at the Palace.”

Upon contacting the Kalamazoo chapter of Rageaholics Anonymous, it appears that Mark had briefly attended court mandated meetings in the winter of 2007, after an incident at a local Wal-Mart which saw Thompson pick up a stroller (that happened to contain a crying baby) and hammer tossing it into an endcap full of Snuggies. During initial check in

at RageAnon, a member must first take the 25 question “Anger Self-Assessment” test.  According to a staff member who wishes not to be identified, any score over 10 is considered a rageaholic; Thompson scored a record 23. According to the source, he attended his 12 mandated meetings without saying a word, choosing to simmer ragefully in the back of the class. The whole experience left Thompson angrier than a one-legged waitress at an IHOP.

Friends secretly hoped that encouraging Mark to play Wiffleball would give him an outlet to properly express his emotions, but that hope dims with every launched yellow bat. Much like the famed Honey Badger, Thompson has no regard for any other human whatsoever. So if you find yourself at a Scared Hitless game, it is recommended that you keep your wits about you and watch for any flying objects that may be hurled in your general direction. Always remember – “anger” is only one letter short of “danger.”

Last Updated on Monday, 06 June 2011 11:34
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